Thanksgiving Eve

Yesterday I worked until just before 4am! It was rough and I was so tired that I was worried I’d pass out driving. I ended up giving a co-worker a ride home as it turned out he lives right on my way home so it was no problem and it was cool to have someone in the car with me to make sure I stayed awake.

I slept in today and got to work close to 1pm. It was a much easier day today and I left at 5pm to get a much needed haircut. I hadn’t had one since a month before the surgery. I let her cut it different this time and she was so happy that she finally got to do something different to me. I filled her in on what happened to me with the surgery and everything. She is really a nice person and easy to talk to and I love going to get my haircut. The “ex-wife” also gets her hair cut by this woman, which is how I ended up going there actually, she brought me there once. Anyway, Kimberly (haircut woman) told me her and the “ex wife” were talking about me recently. They were talking about my resistance to change, how I have been getting the same haircut for a long time, how I still go record shopping and eat at potbellys all the time, still live in the suburbs, eat the same food and work the same sort of job. It was weird to hear this, not weird that one would say this about me, cuz for the most part it is true. I am reisistant to change. The weird thing is that after so many years, the “ex wife” still seems to talk about me on a somewhat regular basis. She brings me up in her ongoing fight with her sister, and she talks about me to Kimberly. She and I have not spoken in about 6 years now, while I do remain friends with her sister and speak to her regularly, I have not spoken to the “ex wife” in that long and yet the topic of me still comes up. She is married now with 2 kids. The part that puzzled me the most was the thing about the job. Why is that weird?! I have found a profession that I really enjoy and am seemingly have a talent for, why would I leave and go do something else when this is the only line of work that I have ever enjoyed?! Weird. I mentioned the fact that during fights with her sister, the “ex wife” has badmouthed me and I found it odd that she would be talking about me. Kimberly put a spin on it saying the bad mouthing was during fights with the sister and she is probably a little weirded out that she and I are still friends, and that the other talk about the not changing was that “when you love someone, you want to see that they are ok and they are happy” Well, I don’t know if I really buy it, but it was some food for thought. I don’t really think that you love someone if you plan to marry them, then leave them for another guy when that person doesn’t fit into the plan you had for THEIR LIFE in your mind, so you replace them with someone else you could control better. I don’t think you care about someone so much if, after you do said thing to the person, you insist on being friends with them (when they really wanted nothing to do with that), only to decide one day a year or two later for no apparent reason that you don’t want to be friends with them anymore, but not have the decency to tell that person yourself, but make your sister tell them instead. I think the “ex wife” should spend less time talking about me and more time picking up a damn phone and calling her sister who lives in PA and is really upset about the falling out they have had recently and who’s countless attempts at reaching out to fix the problem have fallen on deaf ears.

I had no idea that a long overdue haircut would give me so much to think about on the ride home in some really bad traffic. I don’t know if I should be flattered that in a way I have not been forgotten or pissed off that this woman who I spent so much time with and was going to marry, is talking shit about me. I guess in the end it means very little, It is not like I am going to ever see this woman again in my life or talk to her again. Our paths will likely never cross again despite the friendship with her sister. I guess since my life isn’t very exciting at the moment and hasn’t been in awhile, that my mind wanders off more than usual.

I am resistant to change in many ways. I really only like certain foods and I am fearful of getting a different kind of haircut so it takes a long time for me to build up the courage. I still collect records and for the last 8 years I have worked in the videogame industry. But these things are the things I like, why would anyone change something they like just for the sake of change?